What a nutcase :O

I have fellow mates, who write blogs, even i have another one, but the only problem is, Ive got 2 sides to me, and explaining them both on one blog, is a very big havoc, mishap, and a  riddle again. because both contradict each other so much, I feel schizophrenic. Though don't worry, I am not. I pretty much know what I am doing & when, and i take pride in the maturity in me. At the same time i wish i was stupid, so that i could enjoy the world better. Criticise less. State out my opinion less. Be less of a control freak. Scream less. Strive less for perfection. or be less emotional about things. 

Alright, who am i kidding? is that ever even going to happen? sounds like a dream. A bad dream definately. Or maybe a good one. 

I take pride in my honesty, but I know that its got its own price. and its a hard one to pay. I have ended up alienating my friends, pushing away my best friend in the whole world, who i no longer talk to, creating a communication gap in my family. and overall just being a sucked up case. 

people say i have changed. bleh. i still feel the same.. hmm.. then i wonder what changed. 

Took me a while to figure out and dont be really excited, i still havent figured it out. I suck at all this.

People say i play mind games. but for the truth, i just speak up what i want and feel the most. People hate me for it, I have turned alot of people against me. But if I ended up doing it, i would be called neurotic, a sadist, and what all big words, that i had to look up in the dictionary. Belch, time waste. 

So i decided, that those of my friends, who actually care and gave a fuck, would actually come up. and those who didnt would let me get alienated like i never existed. and i guess the latter is what is happening at the moment.. if the lords have their mercy, a serendipity  might occur. But its like even luck turned against me, with 2012 the world may not be doomed, but i surely am.. People things. everything has decided to go against me.

And i dont care if nobody reads this, i am letting out my heart, and its better than being hated for who i am . 

Amen. 

Jokes. Peace out brothers.